I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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