I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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