I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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