i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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