She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
