My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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