I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
