I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
