Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is Oprah even human
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize