mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
