kristin has been a bad kristin
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
