two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize