just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
