So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
