just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
