you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
