i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize