I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
