I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
