my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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