escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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