Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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