hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
