I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize