yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize