Michael Bay diarrhea
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
