Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
