So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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