Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
