Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
