At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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