we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
