I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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