wanna go halves on a baby?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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