you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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