You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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