Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
