I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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