The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
