So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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