perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
