I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
