thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
