i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
