6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
