twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
