I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
