I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
