people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So squirting runs in the family.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
