Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
