Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
