Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
