from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
