I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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