I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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