An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
