Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
