Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
