Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
