She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
