Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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