So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
