i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
