My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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