walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize