Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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