i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
