Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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