I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
