Duck Duck Cougar?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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