i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
